In 2007, after I suffered the two strokes and had to endure major brain surgery, to say I was confused would have been an understatement. I was 46 years of age. I didn’t smoke. I wasn’t what you would call even a light drinker. I didn’t have high cholesterol. I didn’t have high blood pressure. I wasn’t diabetic. I wasn’t obese, and I exercised regularly. An accountant by trade, my natural inclination was a logical approach: What happened? And why did it happen? In the early days of my recovery, I lay in beds, racking my brain with questions. Why me? Why now? What had I done? In silence, these thoughts would go back and forth in my head.
Fortunately, I got to the point where I recognized that this was His decision, and that I needed to accept His decision. I had to surrender to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. After I surrendered to Him, I remember lying motionless in my hospital bed and simply praying for Jesus to give me the strength to deal with what was coming my way. I realized this was different for me. I wasn’t asking to walk again. I wasn’t asking to go back to work. I wasn’t asking to play basketball again.
The act of surrendering means relinquishing control. No deals. No negotiations. Unconditionally. By surrendering to Him, I was able to return to my faith and to the Bible. I was able to remember that God didn’t owe me any explanations, and I should not be asking for any.
Isaiah 55:8-9 “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”